How to set goals to achieve your dreams! The PATTIEBRWSR system for success! :)

And when you know where you’re going to

There’ll be no stopping you

If only you could remember your dream

You could be all the things you’ve always wanted to be -

~ ‘Life’s a dream’, The Lighthouse Family


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Everyone knows that having dreams and goals means you can achieve anything in the whole world that you want (not even within reason :) ). But did you also know that they’re essential for your health? As Kola Olutimehin (‘Dream-Driver and an internationally acclaimed inspirational speaker’) writes, not having any can actually kill you:

”A dream elongates your life and gives you a mastery over death; because death, which is a wicked angelic being, recognises and respects the practical dreamer’”

Yikes! Plus: completely true. I know this because my Grandfather (who I was actually named after! Surname-wise) didn’t have a dream. When I knew him, he was always just lying about being lazy in his hospital bed. He clearly had no goals or ambitions, and this is what eventually killed him, aged 98. Around the time of his massive heart attack.

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So  a lot of websites and self-help books will be out there stressing the important of having goals and dreams, while dishing out lots of ‘advice’ about how to achieve them. They’ll often millions or a least some different sets of rules with letters in them (SWOT, PEST, STEER, SMART, EPISTEL, ATM etc), helping you remember the lists of steps you need to take  in order to make you more likely to get what you want. Now I’ve visited all of these sites, and I’ve read all of the books. Most of these are scientifically crappy, and you can tell this because most of the first letters in the steps don’t even spell out actual words! Or if they do, they only spell out the rubbish ones*.

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But you needn’t worry! I’ve come up with a better system that I think you’re all going to really like today. Follow these Pattie steps to success, and achieve all of your dreams today! Plus forever!

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Pattie Brewster’s steps to success! By the lady that you keep banging on about! (Pattie)

Possible. Make sure you goal is actually possible. Don’t try to do something you can’t do! I once invented a game called Jump-fly, where you jump off something really high and aim to fly instead of fall down and crash. I wanted to be the best at it, but I couldn’t because my goal turned out actually not to be possible. You can still see the damage I endured from the angle that my bones currently stick out at, plus from the lasting sadness behind my eyes.

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Affirmative. Make sure you express your goals as positive statements rather than negative ones. As in: “Be as good-natured as a cat” rather than “do not be as ratty as a dog”.

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Time-bound. Give yourself a specific window of time in which to achieve this. By next wednesday for instance, or any any of the other wednesdays in the future.

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Trackable. Make sure you can measure it to see how far you’ve got! Ever wondered why a ruler has numbers on it? Or a list of numbers has numbers on it? Now you know!

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Illegal. Or better yet: not illegal.

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Easy. Make sure you can actually do it. This is exactly the same point as my first one. I just like the letter E following the letters P, A, T, T and I. -

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Be informed: Do your research so you know how to make the goal happen. When I decided to try and make friends earlier this year**, I made a whole research documentary to find out how you make friends! It only cost me 11 months of my life, plus £27,000. I have absolutely no regrets about this experience for a second, as I know so much more now (for instance: don’t follow people around for days, and if you do, don’t narrate the process aloud while you’re at it). And anyway, I’d only have otherwise have just frittered all that time and money away on calling those expensive phone numbers where you can chat to women in your area for friendship.

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Really goaly: make sure it’s a genuine goal, not something else, say a chair or a long sleep.

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Write it down: Writing things down makes them seem more real and tangible. It also confirms your willingness to make it happen. Another advantage of writing your goals down is that if you tend to write in scented, sparkly ballpoint pens, you get to sniff as you write. Smelling nice things is often preferable to smelling bad things. If you don’t use scented gel pens, you can make your own by rubbing the pens you are using in some food. I actually drafted this blog post in last night’s gravy. It’s beefy, onion-y, and soaking wet at the moment. But at least it’s better than a boring biro.

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Specific: If your goal isn’t clear or well-defined, it’ll be harder to achieve as you won’t really know what it means. Instead of aiming to be “the best girl in the world”, be more specific and strive to be “the actually best girl in the whole entire world”.

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Really good: Bit of a personal preference here, but I like good stuff!

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So those are the PATTIEBRWSR steps to success. And before I get streams of obnoxious emails, those letters haven’t been used because they in any way resemble my name. First point, I can see no resemblance at all. Second point, I am not so self-involved that I would come up with goals just to fit into the letters of my name! AND ANYWAY I couldn’t think of any for two of the Es and the last T so your point doesn’t even work anyway!! HA!

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Good luck with your goals plus the rest of your lives guys! x o x your girl Pattie

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PS: Oh actually I’ve just thought of some more steps SO THERE!

Excellent: Try to make your goals as excellent as you can. Or even, egg-free, exciting, English, edible, edgy etc.

Trinkets: don’t make them into trinkets anyone! That would be a bit weird! It doesn’t even make any sense at all. What are you talking about ‘trinkets’?

Every day I wake up and the world is still the same dull shade of grey, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

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* ‘PEST’? What actually even is a ‘pest’?! If I ever got called a pest by someone – my next door neighbour for instance I don’t know – I’d have to respond by saying that I didn’t know what they were talking about! I have never systematically harrassed anyone or their property in my life! I also have no stolen pets on my own premises, and I actually do need to keep doing my daily garden rituals. How else how will I keep the devil out of my shrubs?

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**didn’t work out, long story, everyone else turned out to be horrendous, and no one appreciated the presents of money I gave out, or the sets of keys I had cut for my house.

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