sorry but you guys seriously need to look at this i love it!!!!

so nice and so right!

First friendship night!


Every month I’m going to do a show about friendship and making friends with me (pattie) at the Camden Head! “Pattie Brewster’s Friendship Venture for some friends”

I think they’re going to be the best nights of my whole life.

Come to the first one: Monday 6th February (bring your sweetheart! Or maybe your friend or come alone, doesn’t much matter) , 8pm Camden Head, 100 Camden High Street, NW1 0LU, with: 

Winner of Latitude Comedy Competition 2010
**** “Delightfully Weird” TimeOut


**** The Skinny
**** “Smart and sassy” The List
“Hugely talented” Time Out 


“It’s amazing that he is so good, yet so young” – Noel Fielding
“agreeable naïf” – Chortle


“Extremely funny”  - Time Online 2009
“Engaging and natural performer with deep reserves of excitable energy. Can employ understatement with the dry mastery of a Father Ted script.” – Chortle 

plus me PATTIE BREWSTER (youtube)

“Knits me the biggest stuff! And sleeps in my bed :) ” Cat
“So so great I love her so much …best friend of my dreams” Kitty
“Oh hey guys!” Pattie Brewster  

Come along and join the friendship train or something i dunno!

Free to you guys B-)


Getting the train Back from Grandma’s

[wrote this last night when I ran out of sudokus and sausage rolls]

Getting the train back, from Grandma’s.

Bit dark But at least that’s because it’s evening time, not some more sinister reason. Half-past 10 during the month of May so quelle (no) surprise.

Hey, had a cool trip to grandma’s!!

Grandpa was there though, worse luck. He didn’t get in the way that much though! When he does, guess what I call him?….

I call him Grandpoo!!!!

Grandpa’s not a bad man, but he is funny towards me and Sweet Grandma though. He worries she’s a bit mad, and one time he set a doctor on her and they started talking about Alzheimers. Which is well out. Grandma never calls him names. And he criticises her for watching the neighbours and going out in the garden in her nighty and yelling when she’s angry. He acts like she’s really mean to people. How ironic, when he’s the mean one in saying that! He’s really against her setting the dogs on any non-residents visiting (intruding) the cul-de-sac. Grandpa can be really critical of Grandma, and he really brings out the feminist in me. It is such a cruel way to treat your wife who never does anything wrong. Grandma always eats his cooking and gets out of the way  when he’s doing the household chores. She keeps to herself by the window, and in front  of the telly,  all day long and yet she still gets given grief. She can’t do anything right!

Feel a bit bad leaving her, but I can’t wait to get back to my room!!!! I’ve barricaded it all up big time but I’ve also got all the house’s cups, saucers, cutlery, tv, food, tea, pets and plates in there so people might wanna come looking… It’s so hard living near other people!

It’s not advisable to mess with me (Pattie) though, so we’ll see what happens!!!

;( ;( :(

Getting the train, to Grandma’s

Getting the train, to Grandma’s!

B-) ! B-)  B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-) ! B-)

Grandma lives in York (unlike London), and it’s a real trek up there. That’s why I get the train instead! :) But it’s a bit weird for me.… PETERBOROUGH STATION!!!!… Just an adjustment being in a train looking out, when you’re so used to be outside looking in, and then making the relevant notes and checks in your train book.

Still, it’s both cool and fun at Grandma’s (Grandma Bernie’s). We’ll probably just do stuff together, and then watch the neighbours for a while. Grandma isn’t one of those nutso old ladies spying on their neighbours through a telescope. Hers broke years ago and she never replaced it as it bashed her in the glasses. Also there was an episode when she used it by accident on her cat and really freaked out that the cat had suddenly grown so much. She had a mini cat-fear fit which was enough to put GB (Grandma Bernie) off telescopes and telescoping cats for life. Now she observes her neighbours just by twitching and peeking out behind her net curtains….. GRANDTHAM!!!! ….Grandma lives in a cul-de-sace (a Yorkshire Cul-de-Sac), filled with mature people over the age of 50, but under the age of 118, so it’s a nice atmosphere and there’s plenty of shocking things to observe.

I guess you could say: “I’m sure looking forward to my trips to Grandma’s!”


Haven’t seen much on my journey so far though. Bit of an east coast trains disappointment. It’s sunny though, so I can see shafts of the bright stuff  drench the English fields in warm golden light, while the diamond clear air dazzles brilliantly and the trees seem to smile up into the oceanic sky. But I prefer towns. Fortunately, the old North is mainly city-scape (think Manchester and Newcastle if you don’t believe me), so I might see some grey architecture and shops and that soon.

Meanwhile, ……DARLINGTON!!!!……a mid-morning snack to look forward to (grapes and eggs) and late morning nap! Wanna look all fresh in the mind and face for when grandma picks me up in her scooter and side car :)

reasons to come back next year to see me (here)

Right I’m off see ya!

Going to africa to see some big cats.

swoon alert!

Before I go awol again (you don’t need “leave” if you own the ruddy blog!), here’s another list

Reasons to check out in the new year starting with “it’s nice”

  1. It’s nice
  2. New videos bang!
  3. Thinking of filming my new year’s eve extreme night in home alone party
  4. I’ll do a comprehensive update on my foreign holiday (abroad)
  5. I’m making a northern Yorkshire trip to stay with The Elderly which I will do a very detailed post about
  6. Finally going to type out my xfactor review!
  7. Potential for greater depth of friendship between you and me
  8. Pattie’s life tips! This’ll be my new feature. Going to help you change all your lives around for the better. Using photographs and captions
  9. Guest post from my brother Freddo who is currently looking for love
  10. I might get my legs out for a photo!
  11. Maybe not. Or I’ll scrub loads first
  12. More music reviews of the best of 1996
  13. That’s loads!

happy christmas dreams!

don’t let your mum cheat on your dad! (with santa)

x :) x :) x :) x :) x :) x :) x :) x :) x :) x :) x :)

Medical update

Hey guys!!

Great news from my cool doctor!! Thought this would be an appropriate place to talk about it…

Apparently, one of the reasons why I’ve been suffering so much (in so many different ways I can’t tell you) is that I’ve never had a holiday and I really need one.

Thinking about selling my mole and woodland life collection (TONIGHT) and using the money to go somewhere (TOMORROW)!! Dunno where though!! Somewhere cool no doubt!!

If anyone has any travel recommendations, please will you let me know ASAP,,, What country would you recommend?  Here are my criterion:

1. Hot! Wanna get my arms out!

2. abroad. Full of foreign people who don’t already know me so they can’t judge

3. Cats there (any size that’s either small or big)

I’m already packed so be quick thanks.

I’m just having a sit down and a wait………

HELLO!!! :( :( :( :( :( :( …….. :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Been away for quite a while.


Thank you for your concerned emails, thoughts and bracelets

25-26 Reasons going some way to explain my extreme absence:

1.       Massive face rash

2.       Downloaded spotify (thank you internet!) and been listening to the Police on repeat

3.       Learned the dance to whip my hair by willow smith

4.       Accident during 3.

5.       Had to buy replacement china

6.       Got my new hair braids unbraided

7.       Physical illness

8.       Mental illness

9.       Confused bus journeys taking me all around the country. Anyone notice that bus numbers are so confusing? 281, 33, 347, 65, 391, you get it…

10.   Lethargy, laziness and bruised knuckles

11.   Forgot sorry

12.   Made loads of videos with too explicit content

13.   Strange stuff!

14.   Made a new real friend

15.   Argument

16.   Lost a new real friend

17.   Found a cat

18.   Found the cat’s owner

19.   Made up a new recipe for a dish which is a non-alcoholic breakfast/lunch/dinner IN ONE

20.   Chilled out

21.   Written a new book

22.   Created a new literary genre

23.   Coloured in a new front cover

24.   Learnt 4 new accents to use in public

25.   Washed myself, my flat and myself again


Feel so shy about writing again :oops:   Like a lady on a first date, with a massive man. I’m going to do a new video post soon once my face calms down. I’ve been wearing four layers of make-up and a cool balaclava. Nearly got arrested in the protests by a policeman last week! I had a truncheon handy though, so I got away. Beat them at their game! And anyway, I’d only popped out to by a pint of milk from a Westminster milk vendor. I wasn’t even protesting! I don’t read the news, though I do disagree with the proposed top up fees. Pay as you go is always a better deal in the end. My mum (Karen) and I speak every night and we never use up all our minutes. I think it’s cos we use skype. Usually I have nearly 1000 minutes remaining every month. One day I’m going to use up all my roll over minutes on a special new friend. Contact me if you would like this to be you


Why is everyone so obsessed with the phrase “I love you”?

It’s alright. I suppose. And it is short (compare: “how do you like my new shirts, they’re brand new” or “don’t think about travelling to the Sovereign State of Brunei on the Island of Borneo, without getting at least 3-5 inoculations”).

“I love you” sure is short, but that’s not everything in a phrase!

Ok fine, another good thing – about the damned phrase (I l*ve y*u) – that it isn’t rude (and it’s certainly less rude than the rudest phrase there is, called F%$* *FF F&%!*^% F&^”%”*%!). But think about it, I like lemon sole so much :) isn’t rude either, but you don’t hear people say that much, anymore.

I can’t remember the first time I heard the words (“I love you”). Probably ages ago. Maybe at school or Sunday School or Fat Camp. Certainly not for a long while. That’s why (for me), it’s such a stupid dumb phrase. Why can’t people talk about more useful stuff instead? Like the weather or the transport or sweetest dreams and The Cuts? (BLOODY COALITION PUSH OFF!)

People need to stop rubbing it in everyone’s faces that they’re so in love, and are loved and cared for in return, and have someone to look after them and nurture them, and enjoy who they and their very existence, rather than make them feel so bad just for being around, and standing near them, or needing a hug maybe sometimes, but not getting it so they take revenge and then hate themselves and have to stay alone for ages. Too long a sentence that one, I think I lost track of where it was headed, so I’m going to stop and move onto the next paragraph.

Except I’ve finished my point! Hoo whoops!

Ok everyone shut it (your trap!) if you’re being all nauseating!!! Even if I did love anyone I know I’d be cool about it!

And thanks for reading new friends, you’re so nice, I really like you :)

Happiness (By Pattie Brewster)

Life’s ok I guess

But sometimes it can be REALLY good! Like if you find something on the street that you weren’t even looking for! Or if you hold your breath for ages and feel the tingles everywhere :)

I’ve been thinking about happiness a bit lately. And so I’m going to do one of my lists about it… (read this  list.)

Now everyone’s different (and everyone says I’m really different :) Maybe the differentist!), but this list is factual, and I’ve read over it twice, so don’t worry about it not being True or Real.

Ok Pattie’s List for true happiness, starting from now…


  1. Don’t have arguments. If someone’s being cr*p (crap), just cut them out of your lift FOR GOOD. However small the offense, you won’t regret the space and increase in free time (or CAT TIME). if you’re still angry, make a doll of them and get cracking with pins!
  2. Don’t let yourself get too cold before you stick your sweater on, or close the front door. Pretty cold is fun, really cold is not.
  3. Don’t go out without looking in the mirror first (specially when you’ve been up to stuff at home)
  4. Don’t tread on something fragile, just to hear the noise when it cracks. It may break
  5. Don’t do the weirdest stuff out loud!!!


  1. Do do cool stuff
  2. Do try and be fun (“WOAH HERE WE GO!!”)
  3. Do say something catchy and good every time you walk into a room with other people in it
  4. Do make that switch from VHS to DVD (probably worth it, trust me)
  5. Do find something (anything) you can cuddle, if you need to. Some will!

That’s all. Only 10 things! I thought: at least a dozen, Pattie (when I was about to start). If you have anymore leave a comment about it :)

What are your tips for happiness? I’ve done the classic 10, but there may be a couple I’ve missed out on…

a little someone wants to say hi!!!